Unleashing the Power of Uncertainty: A Path to Greater Vitality, Joy and Deeper Connections

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This newsletter aims to guide you on a journey of embracing and pursuing uncertainty in your everyday life, and understanding how doing so can lead to increased happiness, improved flow, and deepened connections with yourself and others

There is this principle in life that rigidity and stagnation leads to disease, dysfunction, an early death and decay. This is most clear in our physical life and in nature, however this is also true when it comes to our mental and emotional wellbeing. Openness, flexibility, acceptance, self reflection, the willingness to see things from a different perspective; these approaches to life tend to lead to a longer more fulfilled life.

The value of embracing uncertainty/ "not knowing" shows up in a number of places. From Taoist philosophies and the Oracal naming Socrates the wisest man for acknowledging his ignorance, to the growing evidence that psychological flexibility contributes to resilience and emotional wellness.

However, our constant struggle lies in identifying and managing our automatic negative thoughts, rigid beliefs, and subconscious assumptions. It's easy to get trapped by confirmation bias, where we selectively perceive and recall information to confirm our existing beliefs. There is a tendency to believe that our ideas and worries protect us, and our desire for 'consistency' can lead us astray. We often fail to scrutinize our automatic thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions. And as Sherlock Holmes stated in a scandal in Bohemia "invariably you twist facts to suit your theories"

Here are some steps to help you become more present and open to the unknown:

Focus on the Present Moment

Let Go of Resistance - Cultivate Radical Acceptance

Observe open mindedly

Willingness to observe things from different perspective.

Step 1: Focus on the Present Moment

"The ego-self constantly pushes reality away. It constructs a future out of empty expectations and a past out of regretful memories." – Watts wisdom of insecurity.

By living in the present, we attune ourselves to our senses and life where it actually happens - in the here and now. Cultivating present mindfulness and connecting with our bodies anchor us in a position to observe and witness our thoughts and emotions. This mental space allows us to start questioning and being curious about our situations, as well as our automatic, unconscious judgments and biases related to self-image and primary life beliefs.

By setting aside, time in the morning, periodically throughout the day, and in the evening, to check in with ourselves, by, focusing on our breathing, and using grounding techniques, such as feeling our bodies, being supported by the Earth underneath us and slowly begin to cultivate this present moment awareness, we start having greater agency/control over our automatic responses.

Even as little as 2 to 3 minutes a few times daily to notice your breathing and where you are here right now, can have great benefits overtime.

For instance, a client of mine recently indicated that just this activity of taking pauses during the day had great benefits on his ability to avoid jumping to conclusions, defuse conflicts with his partner, and has begun to pave the way for new understanding about himself and others in his life.

Step 2: Let Go of Resistance - Cultivate Radical Acceptance

Here is a breathing technique that was taught to me along time ago that I often use now when I find myself particularly stuck, and one I share regularly: As you breathe, you say inwardly

"as I breathe in, I let go of resistance,

as I breathe out, I let go resistance"

Cultivating radical acceptance is a powerful technique. It allows us to embrace all of life as it is. There's an understanding that I would like to add here that is maybe not as popular. We can even in that moment of radical acceptance, accept the quality of not accepting accepting. This accepting not accepting can be the first part of letting go of resistance. Fully embracing that energy of not wanting to be with an emotion can be the first step of developing a capacity to be with a difficult thought and emotion. This approach can be difficult but with time becomes Clearer and more actionable.

Step 3: Observe open mindedly

The third quality is observing open mindedly. This is Very much closely tied to the first two steps. This is about getting in touch with the observing quality of our awareness and the best thing to do to do this is to observe through our senses, noticing what we're feeling, seeing, smelling, hearing. By doing so we again become less reactive and more able to respond openly and freshly to different circumstances.

A helpful tool to developing this further, is actually softening your eyes and getting in touch with what is sometimes referred to as a floodlight consciousness or expanded awareness. You do this by softening your gaze and not look at anything in particular, but view all the empty space in the room, and in non-focused broad way. This unfocused gaze can also have a calming affect on your nervous system and help develop that open minded quality.

Step 4: Willingness to observe things from different perspective.

"I keep six honest serving-men

(They taught me all I knew);

Their names are What and Why and When

And How and Where and Who.

I send them over land and sea,

I send them east and west;

But after they have worked for me,

I give them all a rest

-Rudyard Kipling

Questions like "Why am I reacting this way?" or "What's causing my reactivity?" asked with genuine curiosity can create a transformative inner dialogue. It's not about the questions themselves, but the intent and energy behind them. Rather than the guilt-inducing surface-level "why," shift your inquiry to a deeper, more compassionate level.

There's no need for immediate answers. In fact, the beauty lies in the uncertainty and letting understanding unfold organically. Sometimes, you need to sit with these questions, marinate in them, and allow your intuitive, embodied self to work on them. It's helpful to notice this space of not knowing, mentally marking it, accepting the temporary uncertainty, and leaving room for new information to emerge.

Try to discern what parts of a situation you can control and what parts you can't. Question what you don't know about the situation, and consider how a trusted or respected person might view it.

Another powerful tool is the downward arrow technique commonly used in cognitive behavioral therapy. In this technique. You are seeking to get to a core belief that you ultimately want to question and undermined, if it's unhealthy or unhelpful. The way it works is that you ask yourself; "if this [particular] thought or believe were true what would that mean?" And you keep going down, repeating that same question until you get to a core belief (about yourself, other people, or the world) that can then be questioned more closely.

Here is a recap of some of the above questions to sit down with an ask yourself:

Why is it that I reacted that way?

what is going on for me to cause me to be so reactive?

How am I interpreting the situation?

How am I organizing it in a sense of what I think about

myself,

other people,

or the world that large.

What part can I control?

what part is not in my control?

What do I not know about the situation?

How might [someone you trust/respect] view the situation.?

Self inquiry

My body is like a phantom, like a bubble on a stream.

My mind, looking into itself, is as formless as empty-space,

yet somewhere within sounds are perceived.

Who is hearing?

-Zen master Bassui Tokusho.

Who am I? Who is listening?

One of the most helpful ways of quieting the mind that I've ever come across is to intensely asked a question who am I? Who is listening?. This can be a great way to first experience that observing quality of consciousness because in the absence of an answer, there is a quietness that arises. Simply ask, "who is listening?" Or state " I wonder where my next thought is coming from". And, in this, pause and listen, briefly, inwardly.

This journey is about opening yourself up to the unknown and seeing the joy and vitality that can arise.